


First they killed my father

by Hclxs



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Clint and Laura Barton's Family, Dark Past, F/M, Healing, Kid Natasha Romanov, Natasha Romanov Feels, Natasha Romanov Has Issues, POV Natasha Romanov, Past Brainwashing, Past Character Death, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Recovery, Red Room (Marvel), Sam Wilson is a Gift
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-07-12 00:37:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15983858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hclxs/pseuds/Hclxs
Summary: Natalia lost her family before she was five, she was a killer and a monster and made of marble.Natasha was a lot of things and one of those things was good and she wasn't made of marble.





	First they killed my father

_First they killed my father_

The first time she took a life was at age five or that's what they told her, age in the Red Room was complicated. The other girl was smaller than her, dark eye and frizzy dark hair and wasn't good at keeping or hiding her bread. The blood was warm on her hands as she slashed the other girls throat, the girl fell to the ground with a thump and in a puddle of her own blood. Her eyes were still open as Natalia was congratulated for being the first in her age around to make a kill, the other girls deemed cowardly for not having the guts to take another life. The body was taken away as the blood started to dry on her hands. Natasha was given some meat that night, a reward for doing good. The blood had yet to come out from under her nails, a sigh of her victory. 

Natalia would later find out she ate a piece of the other girls arm.

It took a long time for that to bother her.

It hasn't stopped.

She remembered sex for the first time, it hurt and was uncomfortable and she didn't like it but learned not to mind. She was six or seven. And that's all she knew, sex was a weapon for the girls of the Red Room and nothing more. Kind touches were for children like love and she hadn't been a child for a very long time. Natalia was born and then she died, she was made and unmade by the touches of Madame B and others. 

When she was thirteen she figured out what rape was decided she hated the word and it's meaning 

Clint told her that's what happened to her and looked sad.

For the first time in a long time she cried. 

_Next they killed my grandfather_

Graduation from the Red Room happened in the early teenage years, she wasn't exactly sure they age but thirteen to other people was thirty in Red Room years. It was necessary to survive in the world, only the strong ones graduated and the weak were killed or disappeared. She didn't know what happened to the girls who disappeared but it was for the better, they wouldn't be able to complete the job. They weren't willing to die for a greater cause, the weak only wanted to live. People with attachments wanted to live,  people who weren't made wanted to live. The weak girls didn't deserve the honor of dying for Russia. 

The graduation ceremony prevented attachments and nothing was more important than completing the task.

Natalia deserved the honor of graduation. 

They unmade her and then made her.

She survived.

She was the only one left after graduation. Natalia was the Black Widow, one of the best they had seen in a long time. Childsplay was over now, Madame B. told her, this was real. But she felt less real than ever, Natalia was a puppet created by Russia and Madame B. and the Red Room. They told her only the breakable ones would break and she was made of marble. Natalia Alianovna Romanov was unbreakable and a monster.

They made her into a puppet made of marble.

Natalia was made into a monster.

She wished she failed

_Then they killed my grandmother_

 

It was cold but Russia was cold so it shouldn't have been a surprise, maybe, she wondered if the drugs made it worse. They made her slower and her head was foggy because of them and it made it harder to run from the facility. The one she was trained in, raised it. Natalia ran from the people who killed her family, stole her and made her. Or unmade, she wasn't sure anymore. The Red Room had made her into a weapon, a killer and a monster but she felt unmade. What was she?

They made her into a killer.

She was  a monster.

A child.

Natalia told the man to do it, she screamed at him to just kill her already. Clint lowered his bow, staring at the girl who couldn't be no older than sixteen. She was tiny, obviously under feed and looked like she hadn't slept in years. With the hell she had been through he guessed she probably hadn't. Her pupils were large and she looked like she could barely stand on her own with the combined injures and durgs. Natalia told him she wasn't being good and that's why they drugged her. After a lot of convincing she went with him. He taped her arms and wrist together so she would stop hurting herself.

They sent him to kill a child in late October.

She had been through hell.

She was sixteen.

_They killed my brother fourth_

They didn't trust her, Coulson didn't at all and Fury just seemed disappointed they never shut the program down and other little girls had to go through it. But she didn't care that most of the agents didn't trust her, she didn't trust them either. The ones who didn't look at her like the monster she was only gave her looks of pity, it didn't take long for the story to get around. Natalia trusted Agent Barton and liked him too, he didn't look at her with pity or like she was a monster and a killer but he looked at her like she was human. 

Natalia was doing something good for once.

She could learn to be good.

She would be good.

Clint took her home two months after she joined Shield, he took her to a farm and his wife Laura. Laura was kind, gentle, warm and looked at her like Clint did. She liked Laura too. They were at the farm for five days when she said they could call her Natasha, it was close enough to her real name and she didn't want to be Natalia anymore. She wanted to be someone who wasn't like Natalia, a puppet. Natalia was made of marble, Natasha was made of all sorts of things.

Natasha was made of stone, wood, metals, warmth and pain.

She was learning to be a person.

She was good.

_My sister was killed after him_

Babies were strange and Clint and Laura were strange for letting her be around Cooper. For letting her touch such a breakable person. But Cooper didn't break and he got older and got bigger. He loved his mom and dad and his Auntie Nat and would sleep with her with Natasha stayed the night. Lila was born and as soon as Clint placed her in Nats arms she was an anties girl and Natasha was gone for her. Lila absolutely adored her Auntie Nat.

Her family was killed before she was five.

The Red Room was home.

She didn't mourn. 

Clint would sometimes joke that Lila loved Nat more than him, Laura said Lila had enough love to give it all equally. Cooper was still a strange kid and the other kids made fun of him because they didn't understand Autism. He didn't speak much but when he did it was mostly to Clint, Laura, Nat or Lila. When Natasha brought Sam home and told Clint she met him a little before the fall of Shield and they shortly developed a relationship. Laura liked Sam a lot and she thought Clint did too but was in a weird area between best friend, wing man, big brother and dad mode. Nate was down for a nap when Cooper first spoke to Sam and she wanted to cry.

Clint, Laura, Cooper, Lila and Nate were her family now.

The farm was home and she had her own room.

Sam was part of that now and she was okay.

_They killed my mother last_

Sometime it was like a dream, the Avengers. Natasha was part of something bigger where people trusted her and cared about her. And she trusted them and cared about them, even Stark. Like most things they broke, the Avengers were not made of marble maybe glass or something like that. They were weak and they didn't survive the accords, scattered across the globe and Steve and Tony not speaking. She told Sam one night, as they lay on a hard bed in a cheap hotel, that she understood both of them. Natasha understood Tonys pain, spending most of her life in the dark and understood the betrayal but she understood Bucky. She was once a puppet, a monster and when she thought she was good Hydra was pulling the string. He kissed her and pulled her closer.

Sometimes she wondered if she was still a puppet.

Natasha felt Natalia coming back.

Marble, puppets and killers.

It was silent but what could you say when people turned to ash? Steve, Bruce, Thor and Rhodey were okay but Clint was at home and they weren't sure where Tony was. She went in search of Sam. hoping he was just injured somewhere and not gone. She didn't think she could handle that. But Natasha found Redwing near a pile of dust and she screamed and screamed. She cried for her father, grandfather, grandmother, brother and sister and her mother. For who Natalia could have been. But Natasha died with Sam.

Natalia came back until Sam came back.

She wasn't made of marble anymore.

She was still good though. 

_Last they killed Natalia_

Natasha leaned back against Sam, watching Lila play tag with Nate and Cooper sat beside them, close to both Natasha and Sam. The sun was warm and so was she. She didn't mourn for Natalia anymore, she had no idea who she would have been. Maybe a dancer. But Natasha was Clints sister and Lauras best friend, she was Auntie Nat to Cooper, Lila, Nate and a now two month old Sophia and wore a ring on her finger. Sam asked two weeks after the defeat of Thanos.

Natasha was a lot of things all at once to a lot of people. 

She loved and was loved and was warm. 

She was more than good.    

_Natalia was made of marble_

_Natasha survived_

       

    

  

**Author's Note:**

> I have no clue where this came from but it happened.


End file.
